Wired Momma took on the milk shamers last week and I, myself stepped into the ring to defend the Mom on an iPhone. These are just tiny, little, barely noticeable skirmishes in the larger Mommy Wars. I’m here today to call for peace talks. The tendency to consider mothers public property and to snipe their decisions, to backseat drive the way we address parenthood and how we balance it (or don’t) with a full time career, is ridiculous. It needs to stop. It is fueled by sexism (or we would also be talking to the Dad on an iPhone, and I notice we AREN’T.) and by the intense consumption of a media driven culture. The impossible perfectionism we impose on moms is nothing but another variation of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
We are all here to do the very best that we can. Every day. Not one mom I know said to herself, “you know what would go great with this purse? A BABY.” Every single one of them embarked on having a child fully cognizant of what a staggering responsibility it is. Every one of them has faced hard choices along the way about how to make this whole thing work. It’s a whole life. There is a big picture that none of us can see. The only decision that is guaranteed to be the right decision is to get up every morning and try to figure out what is best for our own families.
Each and every one of you is the best mom in the whole world for YOUR kid. What you do might not work for my kid. And that is FINE, because each of us understands our own children in a way that nobody else possibly can. We are all trying, with no clear view of the finish line, to complete a three-legged race while carrying our children in our arms. If you’ve ever run a three legged race, you know the idea is to enjoy the process and get over the finish line with everyone still pulling together. Nowhere in the rules does it say you should grab the other participants by the hair and call them names. It’s not sporting. And really, aren’t your hands already full?
We are all going to fall down sometimes. When we see someone stumble, our job is not to kick them in the face and yell, “SERVES YOU RIGHT!” But to encourage them to get up and KEEP RUNNING. Because this race is not over until we all get across the finish line, and we are still pulling together.
So you just keep running, Best Mom In The Whole World. Keep running.
Thanks so much for writing this and I LOVE the title of your post!!
Great post! Whenever someone asks me for parenting advice, my response is the same: Do what works for YOU. Every parent is different – some will bake things from scratch daily, some will run through the grocery store to pick something up and still more will go through McD’s. You do what works and that’s all you can ask!