Project Stronger: Fat is not an insult

Hey, have you seen the Dove real beauty videos that are making the rounds right now? The ones where people describe themselves and an artist depicts the way they see themselves, and we can see how different it is from reality? If so, have you read this article about how, in one person’s opinion, Dove is just reinforcing a very narrow social construct of what “beauty” is with that campaign? (Yes, please, let’s remember that it’s an AD CAMPAIGN.)

Let’s talk about beauty for a minute. Your beauty comes from the love that shines out of you every day. LOVE. Not a straight nose or perfect teeth. Love. Love makes us beautiful. Look at photos of women looking at their newborns for the first time and you’ll see what I mean. Exhausted, not at all tidy, frequently even unwashed, these women look incredibly beautiful because of the pure joy and love that you see in their faces.

So, let’s talk about one of those “negative” adjectives. Fat. My kid recently said to me, “Mommy, I love your fat legs.” And I couldn’t answer him. Because I had no positive response immediately to mind. I couldn’t ask him what he loves about my fat legs or why he said that. I had to just walk away and think it over for a while. (Meanwhile, his father explained to him the social norm that you can never call another person “fat” without hurting their feelings. Practical, I suppose, although it doesn’t address the larger picture at all.) Of course I don’t really want to think of my legs as “fat.” But he wasn’t using the word as an insult. It doesn’t have any negative connotation to him. There is something pleasing, to him, about the fact that Mommy Has Fat Legs.

The truth is that, until recently, I was clinically obese. And not afraid to use the word “fat” to describe myself. I had taken ownership of my fatness and the impact on my health. (I am not saying that you, at the same level of fatness, need have the same concerns for your health. But I, personally start to be insulin resistant at what many people consider only “slightly” overweight. So I’m not trying to equate the two, but one is cause and the other is effect… FOR ME.) So, thanks to a lot of support from my amazing fitness buddy, Joy Makin’ Mama Jenn B, and to the Not Eating All The Cheese Plan, I have managed to get within 10 lbs of what seems to be a good, healthy weight for me. (Not necessarily “thin.” Just a healthy weight where I feel comfortable and can manage not to get in my own way.) I am starting to feel good in my own skin again. I feel strong. I have packed on a LOT of muscle and I have a lot more energy. All good things. So why couldn’t I just say, “thanks, baby!” when my kid admired my fat legs?

I don’t know. But the answer probably sucks.

Here’s what I do know. I am still eating too much unhealthy food. It would be really easy to stop doing my workouts and start spending that time sitting on my duff, looking at LOLCats. And, I’m probably not alone. For the next twelve weeks, I’ll be talking to you about Project Stronger and chronicling my progress. I’ll be setting goals for myself. This week, I’m working on not screwing up my kid by putting some weird understanding of “fat” on him, and on figuring out why I don’t love my legs enough to be okay with their fatness, if indeed fat they are. In short, I am going to try to look at my fat legs with love. And to accept the way my kid looks at my fat legs with love and sees beauty. I’m going to look for what he sees in me. Because that is probably AWESOME.

We are strong moms, and we are beautiful. Love you, mamas! And I want to leave you with this fantastic video that is probably the last word on this subject: