Me first! Me first! FIRST.

Everyone likes to be first. Well, maybe not everyone. It’s certainly a popular choice. Unfortunately, “first” choices are frequently “first” choices because we find out they are lousy, and then we make some more choices. Think about the first person you dated. If thinking about being stuck with your “first choice” in that arena doesn’t make you suck a little air through your teeth, you are either being very nostalgic, or you got lucky. And that’s all I’m going to say about dating. First job? I don’t know about you, but my first hand experience and observations of other people’s experiences have led me to believe that first jobs are pretty much meant to motivate you to get your next job. If Edison had to stick with his first choice of light bulb design, we’d all be sitting in the dark and you’d be squinting at this missive by candle light. My handwriting is best described as “impatient,” So be thankful for that.

Why do we feel like turning “first draft” into “first prize” is a virtue, rather than a way to keep making ourselves crazier with our own perfectionism? Our kids do it, too. Anyone who’s got a kid who refuses to answer questions at school for fear of giving the wrong answer knows that all too well. But the very same people who keep telling us that our kids do what we do are the ones who keep encouraging us to beat ourselves up over our mistakes. Because apparently, if you are a woman and/or a mom, it’s completely unforgivable not to be perfect. You are either the epitome of an unreachable ideal, or you are worthless. Sometimes I wonder… what would happen if we collectively rejected that assessment? Could we turn it on its ear? Could we start a movement? (Hum a few bars of Alice’s Restaurant with me and see what you think.)

Probably not in our lifetimes. Our grandmothers couldn’t, our mothers couldn’t, and we… well, it remains to be seen, but if the Mommy Wars are anything to go by, it’s not going to happen. We didn’t start this fire and we may not be able to put it out. It might be too big. But little people can do big things, or so I keep saying, so I’m going to do my best to smother it out of my own head, so it can’t consume me.

Maybe instead of First Prize I’ll start awarding the “Kept Trying Until I Got It Right” prize. (I can’t wait to start trying to fit that on a ribbon.) I’ll let you know if I get it right, and also if I figure out what “it” is…