Once a kid reaches preschool age, his parents start to worry about him “fitting in.” it’s natural to worry that they’ll get their feelings hurt and it will be OUR FAULT. We weren’t there to protect them, we shouldn’t have let them wear their Halloween costume to school in December, WE LEFT OUR BABY OPEN TO RIDICULE.
When they get a little older, then there’s all the bullying we hear about in the schools. So we start trying to encourage them to behave in a way that will protect them. “I don’t want the other kids to make fun of him.” I’ve heard it at my house. I’ve seen it in some of your Facebook posts. And I know it’s in our hearts and on our minds.
My own worry is that by telling our kids not to do things for fear others will ridicule them, we’re setting up the idea that ridiculing others is the norm. Which subtly sanctions that behavior. Or at least, it seems like it might. Are we encouraging a culture of meanness when we tell our kids to fit in? Where is the line between teaching appropriate behavior and repressing their personalities?
I mean, preschool isn’t exactly the corporate world, so once they are dressed in clothing appropriate for the weather and which doesn’t impair their safety, shouldn’t that cover the bases? If you can’t look silly when you’re 4, where does that leave us?
Does anyone have the answer? Is there an answer? Is it even possible that we could teach kids not to make fun of each other? What would that look like?
In the bigger picture, isn’t it likely that, if we can get kids to accept small differences in each other now, the big differences later won’t be so divisive? Is whether your buddy wears a tail to school a trial run for a political dialogue that focuses on the issues someday?
I’m presumptuous as heck and with both barrels full of PTSD, I’ve got the answer. The answer being – do what you want, some people won’t like you no matter what and it’s their problem. If someone doesn’t want to play with you, you need to do your own thing. If you don’t want to play with someone else, you need to do your own thing. If someone is being mean and there is no adult to help you, you might have to be mean back to them. Some people don’t know how to be kind, and you can’t force them to learn and be kind to you. You can only take care of how you treat others. Good freaking luck, my darling. Most people will be your friend, but some people are not going to want to, and that’s just the way things are. And that’s ok.
well, I certainly agree that no one has an obligation to build up someone who is trying to tear them down. The “arms race of meanness” didn’t work out all that well for the Hatfields and the McCoys, though… and I also worry about creating a bright line between “this is just who I am, deal with it” and “I don’t really feel like not being a jerk, so… I’m going to ignore you.”
Bullying just muddies the waters, IMO. :-/