Girls just wanna be ninjas

My seven year old asked me if I would watch Lego Ninjago with him. Ten minutes in, I asked “Where are the girl ninjas?” It seemed like a reasonable question to me. We were watching a group of four male ninjas (who apparently are like apprentices, or something?) On a quest to find their “true potential.” This is a great concept. Surely, somewhere in Ninjago land, there is a team of four girl apprentices doing the same work on themselves, right? I don’t know what answer I expected, but it wasn’t, “Oh, there are none.” I asked, “What? Why not? Why wouldn’t there be girl Ninjas?” My son replied, “There just aren’t. Only boys can be good Ninjas.”

Let’s just stop there for a moment and let that sink in. Who knew Lego Minifigs had to confront the glass ceiling? (I consulted social media and found out that there is ONE female character on this show- a sister. She IS a martial artist, although not a Ninja.) 

Outside of the obvious “you know girls can do anything you can do, right?” follow up, this would have been a tiny blip in the course of raising two boys. It would have been a passing head shake, a small moment taken from one day. Just a tiny example of how we find ourselves face-planting right into the challenge of raising compassionate children. And yeah, I’d have followed it with a quick tweet to @LEGO_Group suggesting that they add a few more female characters to the show… Except. Except that I posted this anecdote on my Facebook page. My friends are a diverse, clever, and pretty well educated crew, as a general rule. Relating something like this, you might get a serious response, or it might take a left turn into the hilarious. You just never know. On a serious day, I could usually expect a rational conversation about what my friends’ kids think of the fact that this show (like nearly all the shows, if we’re honest) is overwhelmingly male, and also maybe a discussion about how we talk to our kids about gender. Other days, it might turn into a series of favorite geek quotes and possibly a hard fought debate about original Star Wars vs. new. Instead, something bizarre and completely unexpected happened.

I was bullied.

I know, I was surprised too. But, before we could even figure out if this was going to be one of the times when my friends and I exchange witticisms as a way of blowing off steam, or whether there was a more serious conversation coming, a male person showed up to inform us, in quite certain and often profane terms:

1. If I were parenting my kid instead of letting him watch cartoons, this wouldn’t be an issue. (We’re really going there?)
2. No one would ever “give a crap” about my opinion.
3. I’m an extremist for thinking it would be cool if there were girl characters on this show or any show.
4. I’m not realistic.
5. Cartoons/fiction are not important.
6. I’m delusional and just want someone to blame for my own failures. (Um, I beg your pardon?)
7. Blogging is pointless and never accomplished anything. (We weren’t talking about blogging… but ok. What is Huffington Post worth again?)
8. I should consider the needs of people who like the cartoon the way it is before I ruin childhood for everyone. (Even though we shouldn’t let our children watch cartoons… and no one will ever care what I have to say?)
9. He knows more about parenting than me or any of the moms in the conversation because, although he has no children, he’s a teacher. (Imma just leave this here.)

The name calling, mockery, derision, and verbal abuse continued for over 100 comments. Any time anyone tried to actually discuss the subject- whether it would be cool for there to be some girl characters on this show, or the fact that LEGO actually wants to appeal to all kids, and how responsive they are, he would pop up again, calling us all “cupcakes” and “stupid” and “fools.” It was all very ridiculous and confusing and I got private messages over the course of more than 24 hours asking me who this guy was and WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED on my Facebook wall.

Well, what happened was, nobody talked about having female characters in kids’ shows, or about girls in martial arts, or even about Lego Ninjago. What happened was, one male bully shut down the entire conversation and made it about him. What happened was, he didn’t back off until one of the women he’d insulted as stupid pointed out that Facebook is something his employer might see someday. And that these kinds of shenanigans tend to look bad to bosses. What happened was, he ignored being told clearly and repeatedly that his namecalling and derailing were unwelcome and that his rudeness to my friends was unacceptable, until someone pointed out that it might impact him personally.

Are cartoons important? I think maybe sometimes they are. Maybe it’s a first world problem. But if a cartoon can turn into a teachable moment about equality, and compassion, and who is capable, then it seems kind of important to me. I think it’s worth talking about the messages our kids get from their entertainment. I think it’s worth telling the people who produce the things our kids like how they can get more support from us, the consumer. I think it’s worth sticking up for equality everywhere, whether it’s in our lives or in the microcosm we call entertainment.

You know what else? I think that if it’s so important to some bully to silence the conversation about this cartoon or any cartoon, then, yeah. We probably should be asking, “Where are the girls?” Where are the black people, the people who don’t speak English as a first language, the poor people, the people who use mobility devices, the people who aren’t neurotypical? (I could go on, and I’m sure you could too.)

We don’t need to interrupt them often enough to spoil their enjoyment of stories. We just need to do it enough to make them remember that there are people missing from the story. Just enough to reinforce the idea that we value justice and to avoid giving the idea that the people we aren’t seeing are not important. We should be reminding our kids that they aren’t invisible when they are different.

And then, if you’re very, very lucky, you will get to have a moment like this, over dinner:

My son started to say, “Mommy, on Lego Ninjago, Sensei Wu…” and paused for a bite of food. I took this opportunity to say, “Do you know Mommy is a Sensei?” He stopped chewing. His eyes got as round as an owl’s, and he slowly, oh so slowly, shook his head no. “I am. It’s true. I have earned that title.” More round eyes. Still no chewing. Eventually, he swallowed and I showed him my black belt certificate and my Instructor Certificate, and he asked me if I knew Spinjitsu, and I was able to tell him about how real martial arts are taught and carried around the world. My mommy stock went through the roof. I may be on the hook for showing him my uniform, which might be awkward, since I converted all the pants to maternity pants a long time ago, and I’m pretty sure they’re not going to work for me right now.

I did tweet LEGO and ask where the #GirlNinjas are. (Um, also? That hashtag took me to some really disappointing tweets. I won’t link them, but let’s just say they prove my point.) I am looking forward to ordering whatever parts of my uniform I need, and getting back to showing little kids that what Senseis do is to teach all kids how to look for their true potential. Because the people who are going to make this world a better place for my children and their children are going to have to be tough and compassionate. They are going to have to be ready to keep showing up and demanding justice, every day. Even when it hurts. Because that’s what it takes. And we don’t raise people like that by deciding that standing up and speaking out are not worth our time- or that there are people who aren’t worth it.

Anybody who wants to try and shut that conversation down is going to find out that maybe they are right. Maybe no one cares what I have to say… but it’ll still take a bigger man than they are to stop me saying it. Oh, and if you get a chance to ask your kid where the girls are, and they tell you I’ve ruined childhood forever? Please report back ASAP.

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