3 ways to not go insane when Mommy or Daddy is going out of town

When one parent will be going out of town, there is a kind of panic that can set in for the one staying behind with the kids. (If you’re lucky, you do feel this way when your spouse is leaving.) Yes, everyone knows that there are widows, single parents, spouses of deployed soldiers, and more who do this on their own every day. It’s not that anyone thinks it can’t be done, but that any drastic change to your routine can be majorly un-fun. And, if you don’t prepare, overwhelming.

My husband has been a regular out of town traveler for the last six years now, and we have some coping strategies. For instance, I shower at night, get dressed for the next day, and sleep in my clothes. This shocks my husband but it beats worrying about what’s going on while I shower or smelling like I’ve been living on the streets for three days when he comes home.

Here are my top three, don’t fail strategies for dealing with managing a two-parent household single-handedly:

1. Make a video. Don’t worry about winning any cinema awards, but if your child has a favorite activity (like cooking or reading a book) that they regularly do with the parent who will be gone, make a two or three minute video of them doing it together. And prepare to watch it about 6,000 times. (Or make five videos and watch them 1500 times each, which I personally find easier on the nerves.) Not only does this help with the Mommy or Daddy “fix” when your spouse is unable to drop everything and skype or FaceTime on a toddler schedule, kids can’t get enough of watching themselves, so they’ll get a double kick out of this video.

1. Make a “Daddy Book” or “Mommy Book.”My big guy used to sleep with his “Daddy Book” when his father was away. I picked up a small 4×6 photo album at the dollar store and filled it with snaps of him and Daddy. It got pretty beat up, but for about $2-$3 it more than paid for itself. My kiddo would pore over the pictures and tell me a story about all the things he and Daddy were doing in the photos. And, as I mentioned, refused to go to bed without it.
2. Have a house party. I prepare for a spousal absence the same way I would for a party. I work ahead on the laundry, I police up piles that have been building, and I take out the trash and make sure there is plenty of toilet paper on hand. Then, we relax our usual rules a little. I do not suggest you throw all order and routine out the window, for your own sake. But if a little extra TV time, a special playdate, or some frozen pizza and paper plates help you get a little time to yourself, GO FOR IT. When I’m flying without my co-pilot, I either cook ahead or shop with coupons to make sure there are frozen meals in the freezer. I use paper plates to cut down on dishes. We watch special movies together. Since dinner is a bit slap-dash because we’re all tired by the end of the day and we’re all a little cranky for Daddy, I make a special breakfast for us to enjoy together one of the days he’s gone. We have extra playdates and I relax the standards of tidyness a little- or we do a deep cleaning and the kids “help.” (For some reason they love to vacuum and dust. I hope it’s a lifelong compulsion.)

Then, when the trip is over, there is a major love fest because Daddy is home. The kids definitely miss him, but turning his absence into special time for the three of us means they don’t get anxious or upset when they know he’ll be gone. Which makes it easier for him to go, and also much nicer for him to come home. Which is, obviously, the best part.

Obviously, everyone’s kids react to a parent being gone differently, but I hope I’ve given you a good starting point for creating a strategy for making this work for your family.